My husband CJ was a ten+ pound baby. I’ve already had a chat to the Bean and suggested that that was not an option for them. Not much else has been going on really, and certainly nothing glamorous. I’m sleep deprived already so I guess I’m in training. No-one tells you any of this stuff though. I mean, it’s in books, sure, but reading it in a book is far removed from your girlfriends actually telling you stuff. Like how I had to sleep for two hours sitting up last night because my hip was horrendously aching from lying my on side all the time. No-one tells you this stuff. Like birth – all you seem to hear is ‘mother and baby are both doing well’. But what does that mean exactly? Ultimately it just makes me think one of two things:
- It was plain sailing and after an hour or two of ladylike pushing, a baby fell out.
- It was so horrific it can’t be spoken about.
I did bring this up with a friend recently who is pregnant with her second and she said she experienced the same thing with her first – where are all the shared stories? So she shared her birth experience with me and I was SO grateful. Hers was also a good experience which was great to hear because basically all the women close to me have had emergency c-sections, and they make me a bit, you know, terrified.
In other news:
- I recently spewed pink spew all over our front garden after eating porridge and raspberries and then doing Pilates. I just made it home before losing the lot on a bush in front of a surprised husband who happened to be taking the rubbish out at the time. To be honest, I think he was impressed my spew was so feminine.
- My breasts are seriously fabulous – big, perfectly round orbs of lusciousness that many women pay thousands of dollars to try and replicate. I’m constantly running late for work because I can’t stop staring at them. I guess I should take photos before they turn into huge, veiny milk-wagons….
- I was told I’m carrying small (I sucked in the bloat as much as I could) for 17 weeks this morning and I could have kissed her. Because 10 pound baby husband.
- My mother-in-law is in a knitting frenzy already. This is going to be one warm, soft, lucky baby!
- Marlowe has completely abandoned me. He can see the bump, and no-doubt his extrasensory-cat-sensors told him long ago his rival was on the way, and he’s now totally and utterly CJ’s cat. The love-affair they have going on is ridiculous quite frankly, and I’m jealous, but there’s nothing I can do about it. What a traitor. I spent many weeks at home every day when he was a tiny kitten, making sure Bronte didn’t eat him, and this is the thanks I get. If this is a taste of motherhood I’m seriously concerned.