Marlowe enjoyed his recent foray into blogging and asked me if he might try a regular spot here. I told him we’d see how it goes. (He gets very distracted.) He’s adamant his spots will be called Marlowe and the Minion. So, I give you (again), Marlowe Michelle-Wells.
My humans went away on the weekend. They go away far too much. I thought I’d made that perfectly clear, but you know humans, they’re not that bright sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I have the best cat-sitter in the world, but nothing compares to your very own human, does it?
What was that?!! ….
Sorry, a bird flew past the window. (Cats really are a delightful combination of ancient, primordial reflexes, and the height of modern sophistication, no?)
So, my humans went away. What this basically means – apart from the sheer unforgivable abandonment of it all – is that I have free reign to make my sister do my bidding.
Well, she’s not actually my sister; she’s my pretend-sister. Look, there’s no pretty way of saying this, but – brace yourself – she’s a moggy. She’s not a purebred like me, so it’s been a hard task to get her to understand that I am King of this house. This house is Mount Marlowe and only I sit atop it. She has to, you know, sit lower than me, like – all the time.
…. And, I’m back.
It’s taken me a long time to get my sister, Bronte, to realise that, not only do I need to be higher than her at all times, I also need to be closer to our humans at all times. (I say ‘our’ because she was here first, and, you know, sometimes you’ve got to throw the Minion a bone.) This has proven to be a much more difficult task than I anticipated. She doesn’t seem to get it. (That’s what comes from a lack of breeding.)
This is when I have to, you know, bite her. I don’t pierce the skin or anything, just hard enough to remind her that I’m King Marlowe and she’s the Minion. The problem with this is that for some ridiculous, inexplicable human-reason, my humans don’t seem to want me to bite my sister. They yell and spray me with water. Water. On ME. WT?!
Back. It’s simple. If my humans are on the bed, I’m either on or in the bed with them, or I’m in the doorway, blocking Minion’s access. If my humans are in the lounge-room, I’m either in the lounge-room, demanding stimulating play, or stretched across the doorway, blocking Minion’s access.
You get the picture.
If Minion tries to enter, I bite her. If Minion tries to get a pat, I bite her. If Minion walks too close to one of our humans, I bite her.
You get the picture.
So when my humans go away, it’s Mini Minion Bootcamp. On the Saturday I started off with some this-is how-far-you-have-to-be-from-the-humans drills, but then I felt a bit sleepy and Minion is very fluffy… so I did end up curling up on top of her and sleeping for a while… Sunday was meant to be hardcore drills and biting… but I was a bit sleepy from all that sleep the day before, so I let Minion groom me… and then I guess I fell asleep again…
Gotta go, can’t come back… RIBBON!!