Ode to Boobs

Boobs. Angel Cakes. Gazongas. Cupcakes. Breasticles. Funbags. Knockers. Zingers. Baps. Bouncers. Bazooms. Girls. Norks. Ta-tas. Cha-Chas. Bongos. Rib Ticklers. Pillows. Peepers. Watermelons. Gob Stoppers. Milk Cans. Muchachas. Mams. Yams. Loblollies. Butterballs. Hooters. Humdingers. Boobs.
Boobs are cool.
Boobs have pizzazz.
Boobs see the world just before everyone else does.
Boobs have magic and mystery.
Boobs belong.
Boobs create scandal at will.
Boobs feed the world.
The world!
That’s when they hum.
You don’t believe me?
Next time it’s quiet put your ear to the wind. You will hear a steady sound. Like a whispery wail or a looping tale. Quiet as a sigh and clear as the sky, the feeding boobs are singing. They’re lulling and trilling and jiggling and spilling. And all the babies in all the world understand the joy they are giving. So sing back, if you dare, when night time looms, and see what happens when you charm a big bouncing pair of bazooms.



Filed under Boobs, Flash fiction, Hothouse exercise, Humour, Poetry, Sex, Women/Feminist, Writing

7 responses to “Ode to Boobs

  1. Peter

    Now this is certainly a different perspective of a couple of amazing points that have such an effect on the world.
    So much truth in this.


  2. What an education! I’ve probably only heard of half of those boob nomenclature. Do you remember when you performed a (I think One-Woman) play at Upstairs Studio Hayman and it was a serious play about a woman with breast cancer, but most of the Engineering students came because breast was mentioned on the poster and they had to sit through the entire play just to see you flash your breasts for all of about 5 seconds in an entirely appropriate moment in the text? I laughed. A clear case of “I don’t know about Art, but I know what I like.”


  3. That seems like lifetimes ago Andrew! I remember it well though, it was one of my favourite shows, mostly because Jen Moffat was an awesome director. And I had no idea I was the cause of some engineering students getting some culture as well as a brief eyeful. Just doing my bit for society!


    • Yes, Jen certainly had a gift. Didn’t she go on to do a Directing course at VCA?

      Engineering students were a guaranteed “audience demographic” for Hayman lunchtime shows if they thought there was any nudity or partial nudity in the play. Very sexist though as I think the Engineering faculty was close to 100% male (may have been some Feminist pioneers in there, but heavily outnumbered). They didn’t turn out for bollocks, just boobs and vaginas.

      Let’s hope some of them received some artistic inculcation by stealth!


  4. Oh, how confusing, my many Internet alter-egos. I am BenHur55 as well. – Andrew Bell


  5. Kate Ringvall

    Awesome Mon 😉 I think my wee Geordie would add a few names too or uses anyway…pillows are probably top of the list, and much source of mirth ;-)…boys?!


  6. Dawn

    Simonne you had an affect not just on Engineering students. I remember it well. I walked out with Yvonne who said “I’m going straight for a check-up”. Alan has offered a whole vocab if you’re interested.


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