Beginning a new long work of fiction is hard (for me anyway). I’m there now and attempting to sort of storyboard likely scenes between my characters. I thought I’d rip out a prologue for fun and see if that helps move things along. I doubt it will survive the chopping block, but it’s sort of fun, so here it is!
Dear Reader, (didn’t Charlotte Bronte start a book like that? Oh well. I doubt her book was full of wog mama butch lesbians and food sex. Butch lesbian spaghetti sex wins out over an insipid girl in a petticoat running across a moor. Obviously.) I wanted to write a truly beautiful, literary, coming of age novel, dripping in tight, punchy prose – an intelligent expose of Gen X angst, with, you know, lots of big words in it. But this story is literally about butch lesbian mothers who ride Harleys and date women with beards called Pam (the women are called Pam, not their beards) and it doesn’t seem quite like the right story for lashings of lugubrious literary genius. Obviously my next book will take the literary world by storm.
You know everything Stephen King wrote in ‘On Writing’? I’m going to do the opposite. Not to be argumentative, oh no, I adore that book, but because everything he says not to do in good fiction is ALL THE FUN STUFF, like using italics and caps and exclamation marks for emphasis, like using first person narrative and ellipses and too many adjectives. He says one is enough. One adjective! ONE!!!
Reader, I married him! No, only joking, I really didn’t. I got confused, reader. Very, very confused. Here, let me tell you. Sit back, Reader, make yourself a stiff drink and put your feet up.
My name is Angel. It’s a stupid name, but I had stupid parents. That will become abundantly clear. There are ups and downs to having a name like Angel. The main up is that no-one ever sounds like they’re mad at you. So, Once a Upon a Time in the lurid 1970s… Okay, hang on, I just have to say here that in ‘On Writing’ Stephen King also (as does every other writing aficionado that ever graced this earth with their presence) suggests never to write about yourself. Well… fuck THAT!!!