On Beginnings, Steven King, Butch Lesbians, and Spaghetti…

Beginning a new long work of fiction is hard (for me anyway). I’m there now and attempting to sort of storyboard likely scenes between my characters. I thought I’d rip out a prologue for fun and see if that helps move things along. I doubt it will survive the chopping block, but it’s sort of fun, so here it is!


Dear Reader, (didn’t Charlotte Bronte start a book like that? Oh well. I doubt her book was full of wog mama butch lesbians and food sex. Butch lesbian spaghetti sex wins out over an insipid girl in a petticoat running across a moor. Obviously.) I wanted to write a truly beautiful, literary, coming of age novel, dripping in tight, punchy prose – an intelligent expose of Gen X angst, with, you know, lots of big words in it. But this story is literally about butch lesbian mothers who ride Harleys and date women with beards called Pam (the women are called Pam, not their beards) and it doesn’t seem quite like the right story for lashings of lugubrious literary genius. Obviously my next book will take the literary world by storm.

You know everything Stephen King wrote in ‘On Writing’? I’m going to do the opposite. Not to be argumentative, oh no, I adore that book, but because everything he says not to do in good fiction is ALL THE FUN STUFF, like using italics and caps and exclamation marks for emphasis, like using first person narrative and ellipses and too many adjectives. He says one is enough. One adjective! ONE!!!

Reader, I married him! No, only joking, I really didn’t. I got confused, reader. Very, very confused. Here, let me tell you. Sit back, Reader, make yourself a stiff drink and put your feet up.

My name is Angel. It’s a stupid name, but I had stupid parents. That will become abundantly clear. There are ups and downs to having a name like Angel. The main up is that no-one ever sounds like they’re mad at you. So, Once a Upon a Time in the lurid 1970s… Okay, hang on, I just have to say here that in ‘On Writing’ Stephen King also (as does every other writing aficionado that ever graced this earth with their presence) suggests never to write about yourself. Well… fuck THAT!!!



Filed under Art, Books, Charlotte Bronte, Fiction, Humour, My Book, Reading, Sex, Writing

9 responses to “On Beginnings, Steven King, Butch Lesbians, and Spaghetti…

  1. PG

    Ohhhh you rotten tease!!!!!! Talk about a book with lesbians and food porn and all the things fun stuff, full of things you shouldn’t do and how you’re gonna do them anyway, Stephen King or not, and now you give us an opening like that with nothing else???!!!! Well, I’m glad your Writing Impetous has again made you write again, but the teasing has to stop!!!! 🙂 Ooohhhhhh I wanna know more about Angel with the daggy name (which I love already!!!) 😉


    • Hehe! There isn’t much else to give PG! Haven’t written much yet. Having big troubles deciding if I’m going to brave a whole novel written in first person! Glad you love Angel 🙂 🙂


  2. Good to have you back in blogland, Simonne…I’ve missed your writing!


  3. I smell a best seller.


  4. Dawn

    It’s great to see you back and I’m more than a little miffed that I was to be the first to post a comment and it didn’t ‘take’ – looks like it’s now decided to accept me. Personally I think I’m more than qualified to comment on your post. xx


  5. this is awesome! 🙂


  6. yeah looking forward to a splattering of spaghetti sex (by butch lesbians no less!) And ONE ADJECTIVE ONLY?!?!? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK MR. KING?

    He stood beneath the green tree.
    BORING!! I want to know more about said green tree. Was it verdant? Standing alone in the midst of a field of sunflowers? Gah, damn you Mr. King!

    (Apologies for the overuse of punctuation marks)


Leave a reply, start a conversation - go on, you know you want to!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s