Writer’s Bum

Ok, I’ve done a few posts hither and thither over the past two years about health and fitness (that being the way I support my word addiction and all) and occasionally get the odd comment or email asking my opinion about something health related, so I thought I might do a wee post for writers… specifically, for writer’s bum.

What is writer’s bum? (I thought you’d never ask.)

First let me show you a startling near-to-accurate representation of a typical writer: Flat writer

You see the dominance of the head and legs and the lumpy, soon-to-be-redundant, torso? This unfortunate stature is all too common in writerly folk. It cometh from many gruelling hours spent hunkered over a computer keyboard in anxious procrastination. Hours, people. Hours.

And what becomes of the scriberly derriere?


It suffers, people. SUFFERS. It gets SAT on for almost its entire life. How would you like that? To be sat on for almost your whole life? Burdened by a great weight, feeling redundant, unappreciated, aware of your own brilliance yet unable to rise up and proclaim your rightful position in the world…. Oh wait, you’re a writer, you already know about that… Anyway, my point is, writers’ bums everywhere are suffering, and I’m here to help.

You see, when you sit for extended periods, your hip flexors (the muscles at the front of your hips) tighten up, and your glutes (ya bum, people) don’t do enough, (certainly not enough full range of motion stuff) and the whole area tightens up, which can lead to all sorts of issues, the most common of which are an aching lower back and headaches. (Not to mention what’s commonly known as ‘no bum’, ‘flat arse’, or ‘dinner-plate butt’.)

Simonne’s Top Five Tips for the Creative Keister:

1. Do a Glute stretch every 2 hours:


2. Do a Hip flexor stretch every hour:


3. Drink at least 1 litre of water per 50kg of body weight per day.

4. Set 45 minute reminders into your PC calendar, reminding you to get up and move around and do your stretches.

5. Exercise! Making sure you include some of these.

(Speaking of writers,  the Varuna blog has a brand new post – check it out!)



Filed under Fiction, Flash fiction, Health, Humour, Poetry, Reading, Review, Sex, Short Stories, Weight Loss, Women/Feminist, Writing

30 responses to “Writer’s Bum

  1. Booyah! I’d be a whale if I didn’t exercise every day. Yoga and pilates are also good for the combo of stretching and strengthening. After a day of ass-flattening computer-work I also love to do a good cardio sesh – jogging, incline walking, bike, elliptical, you name it. A great release for the tight chest and mush-brain induced by all that thinking too!


  2. I suspect Artist’s Bum is very closely related!


  3. I think this is why Gunter Grass writes standing up at a lectern.


  4. …or so he claims, anyway.


    • What a claim! What’s the reason behind it?


      • Good question – I did google it carefully, but couldn’t get his answer to that. But apparently he likes to walk up and down.
        My office-bound daughter has suggested that standing burns more calories than sitting., too…Maybe I’ll get a lectern and hang the monitor on the wall.


  5. I think the chocolate used for inspiration is also taking its toll… I sit on a ball which helps. Bouncing is good for jogging out ideas.


    • He, he, yes, the big Chocolate can be a killer when it comes to writer’s bum (although it does help to counteract the whole flattening effect and begin to take it the other way…)!


  6. Oh you brilliant writer/fitness guru you! Glute stretches here I come. My butt is already grateful.


  7. No wonder my bum is so keen to get up all the time just to check what is in the fridge (it may have changed since the last time we looked), and to run errands, and to cook dinner, do the laundry, get to the gym! All this time I thought that I was just procrastinating, but no, it is my bum’s quest to avoid becoming a pancake.

    Hooray for my bum. It has been a huge support to me all these years.


  8. LOL….I love this…and I agree with Sandy…hooray for my bum too….kim


  9. This is so true, Simonne, and so funny – not to mention so well timed! The cocoon season is here, and I think I’d be seriously tempted to hunker in the bunker were I not living in terror of catching an incurable case of Barge Arse.

    I run… Not fast, and not always terribly far, but I run. I find it has more impact on my head than my bum, but I think they’re all in it together…


  10. Rachel

    Hilarious! Thanks for the bumerly advice!


  11. hey, where did you get that portrait of me?


  12. Hey simonne

    glad to find your blog. just in time for some good advice 😉


  13. I bookmarked this post, Simonne but it’s not working. Despite the fact that I read it every day, my arse is still getting wider and my head baldier. Tomorrow I am going to try reading it and doing the exercises.


  14. LOL. I think that I have the old writers bum for sure. I like your blog a lot. I am glad I found it, very good posts that are very well written.


  15. Pingback: I’m talking bums again… « into the quiet

  16. Okay, squeeze, release, squeeze release. Should I be standing up?


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