Female of the Species

After all this time as a female of the species, I seem to have only just discovered that when I have pmt I turn violent. Yes. Violent. I know what you’re thinking. Yes. I do. What can a little 5 foot pip-squeak of a thing actually achieve in the violent stakes?

Aye. There’s the rub.

Not a lot. But that’s the point you see. You don’t see, do you?

Ok. So CJ, my husband, is 6’3″ and over 100kg. Now you see. And it’s fun: Turning myself into an estrogen-fired human cannonball and launching myself at him when he least expects it. Throwing punches at shoulders that are wider than I am tall. Doing commando rolls over the bed… and across his face. Flinging myself through the air – like a tiny flying squirrel – and landing flat on top of him as he, unsuspecting, is watching TV. FUN.

It sounds cruel. But it isn’t. No really.

Okay, maybe a bit. But maybe in the grand scheme of things – you know, the Divine Plan – maybe that’s why I had to marry a giant. (Okay, he’s not a giant to normal people, but he’s most certainly a giant to me.)

FUN. Being a human cannonball is a hoot. Trust me. And, jeez, it’s only once a month. Quit whining.

Advertisements

16 Comments

Filed under Family, Humour, Love, Sex, Women/Feminist, Writing

16 responses to “Female of the Species

  1. That is very cool. And I’m sure he doesn’t mind.

    Like

  2. Melana

    Mon –

    Honestly, I can’t stop laughing! I know, at the time, you probably mean business, but damn if you’re not just the cutest thing!

    lanaxx

    Like

  3. I think being a human canonball would be great fun. Especially if you are launching yourself at a monster of a man. They like to play catch, anyway, don’t they? πŸ˜‰
    Annie

    Like

  4. Doktor Holocaust

    I dated a five-foot-and-not-much-past-it lady once, and she was violent at all times of the month, including in her sleep. At first, i thought this was adorable, like a chihuahua trying to take on a rottweiler, and would chuckle as struggled in vain to knock me over, pin me, and the like.

    She wound up winning, though, based on two factors. Firstly, my powers do not work when I am sleepy. Secondly, she’s an irritable insomniac. All she had to do was wait until i was going to bed, and then she could (and did) easily beat the bejeezus out of me. I didn’t get a good night’s sleep for a couple years after her first big beat-on-the-sleepy-nerd victory.

    considering that you are an athletic, fitness-oriented sort of person, I imagine that you are quite a powerful force of destruction in human-cannonball mode.

    Like

  5. romi41

    I could just see you pouncing on him in all your “once a month” womanly wrath!!! I definitely know the feeling sister, though in the absence of a man, I cannonball on defenseless strangers πŸ˜‰

    Like

  6. so LOL, at this visual!

    Like

  7. Your hubby’s lucky. I’m only 5foot 4inch tall, so when my dearest human cannonball gets going, I dodge πŸ™‚

    Like

  8. Paul, he doesn’t mind at all πŸ™‚
    Lana, I don’t really mean business (and I am prone to exaggeration…)
    That’s funny Annie! You’re quite right!
    Dok, that’s a tragic tale if ever I’ve heard one!
    Romi, cannonballing on innocent strangers must be a hoot πŸ˜‰
    Jade, it’s the manic flying squirrel, isn’t it? πŸ˜‰
    Tony, that sounds wise to me!

    Like

  9. Doktor Holocaust

    The fact that I have survived to tell the tale, to me, suggests a happy ending. Note that I didn’t say what happened after I went kindasorta crazy from a couple years of chronic sleep deprivation. suffice to say, I have the last laugh.

    Like

  10. Yes, that’s true Dok, how remiss of me, sorry. Ooo, can we know what happened, or would it land you in jail??

    Like

  11. hierophant4582

    I’m 6’2…where is my 5′ cannonball crazy woman?

    Like

  12. Are you sure you really want one of the crazy cannonball variety, Hiero?
    What am I talking about? There aren’t many not belonging to that variety…
    I’ll put the feelers out for ya πŸ˜‰

    Like

  13. Doktor Holocaust

    I’m not really sure what happened. I know I moved and somehow completely erased the offending person from my life, but I can’t recall the details. I assume that this is for the best.

    Like

  14. Yes, I guess that is for the best Dok πŸ™‚

    Like

  15. PG

    I want to watch this!!!!!

    Like

Leave a reply, start a conversation - go on, you know you want to!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s