The key to our homecoming is found in the shadows. I used to try avoiding the shadows. Then I went through a phase of almost reveling in the darkness and getting stuck there. But despise them I don’t. I look upon those dark times with humble gratitude, both for what I found there, when it was too dark to see and I had to feel my way, and for what I discovered when I emerged into the light.
No optimism can be truly authentic if it hasn’t included the depths of despair. I’ve found myself here again lately, but it’s a different despair, or maybe the way in which I embrace the shadows has changed, but it is different. In this despair I can truly see the point of it; I can see the beauty in the darkness, because now I know how much further it spits me out onto the path of my journey. It throws me forward in great, painful strides. The pain lets me know I’m alive and brings me the gift of compassion. And it propels me forward in my soul journey.
I can’t say “yes, that’s why I’m here!” first without a great search for what fills my heart. That search is full of shadows and so I am grateful for all of it, as here I am, on the brink, and here I sit, right now, in the shadow of my ego and I rejoice as well as despair. The pain of sluicing it from me like a great stain will soon be replaced by the joy of my arrival. So, for now, here I sit, in the shadows again, breathing in the darkness, giving thanks to the ache as I wait for the light to descend, as it always, always does.