It started to pour suddenly, so I scuttled into a doorway to wait it out. As I did so, a hundred other people not carrying umbrellas scuttled into doorways and under shop awnings too. Mid-scuttle I paused, wondering when it was I started scuttling at all. Don’t insects scuttle? Cockroaches and slaters and stinkbugs, don’t they scuttle? Had I become a stinkbug? I don’t want to get my hair wet, I reasoned. I just had this suit dry-cleaned, I ruminated. My briefcase will get wet and my documents might get ruined, I speculated.
I’m a stinkbug, I admitted.
Carefully I took my suit jacket off and placed it lovingly on top of my briefcase and left it in the doorway. I ran a nervous hand through my fudged hair and stepped out from under the awning and into the rain. As I titled my face heaven-wards I realised I couldn’t actually remember the last time I had stood in the rain. I’d forgotten how bloody cold it was. I went to move back to the relative safety of my doorway when I realised how odd it was that I was afraid of rain. I looked around at all the bodies huddled under awnings and doorways, even acknowledged some of their looks as they pointed at me, and I realised how much we’ve sacrificed for control.
In that moment I allowed myself to be freed from the need to control. I allowed myself, for that one rain-drenched moment in time, to be just my soul. And here’s what I saw:
I saw my self as just a being of light. I could be any form that I chose to be, in any dimension of time. There was no measurement of time and I knew in that moment that time was something that man (bursting with his need to control) had created to limit his own powerful potential. My heart filled with pure light and I felt the capacity for love within it and knew that I had never realised my own glorious potential for giving and receiving love. Within that second I knew with every last cell of my being what love heals all truly meant and my eyes filled with tears for the blessing of that knowledge. All around me were Angels and the souls of people who had passed over. Around every person cowering in every doorway was a group of spirits and Angels, their wings spread over them in protection and love. And everywhere, all around me, was light; bright, pure light of every colour that filtered through every dimension of time, percolating through all and everything like a medicine for the soul. I saw that joy was everywhere. Everyone could think across all dimensions. Everyone lived from their hearts so there was no deceit or guilt or jealousy or shame or judgement. In everyone was the God and Goddess existing in perfect harmony. I saw a child then, in a doorway with her parents. She was straining to go out in the rain – held back by her mother. As she turned to look up at them I saw her soul and saw that she already had all these things I was merely glimpsing at for a moment in time. She could see everything across all dimensions with a deep, pure love in her heart and she was waiting for the day that her parents would catch up and see the light too. She turned to look at me, as if reading my mind. We are all like that now, children, we are all waiting for you to catch up. Listen to us, watch us play. We will guide you there.
She smiled at me then, this child, and I saw a stream of pink and golden light fly out from her heart and the middle of her forehead and straight into mine. I was filled with love. The rain stopped then and the street was filled with people once more. I picked up my jacket and my briefcase and headed out onto the sidewalk.
I wonder what the hell I was doing standing in the rain? I thought. I had no idea what possessed me to do that. I looked at my watch and felt annoyed that I was going to be late. As I adjusted my jacket in my arm I saw a little girl walking next to me with her parents. She smiled at me with a smile so huge and forgiving that it filled my heart with joy. Remember.
I thought I heard her speak to me, but when I looked back at her, she was still smiling the same smile. But suddenly I felt a lightness in my heart, like that feeling you get when you know something good and miraculous is about to happen to you. Something had happened to me in that rain, something miraculous.
I just had to remember what it was.
I looked down in time to see a stinkbug under my foot and I stepped lightly out of its way.