Cliterary Fiction Unplugged…

Grace, over at The 13 Graces has tagged me for some fun. I have to fess up to 8 random facts or habits about myself. Oh dear! Here goes:

  1. When I was 16, I lit up a cigarette lighter under my boyfriend’s armpit for a laugh (yeah, yeah, I know, but I was 16 remember), had no idea how incredibly flammable mens’ deodorants truly are, and nearly wet my pants (in mirth and shock) when his armpit burst into flames. (Sorry David.)
  2. My fiance and I share a birthday.
  3. I’ve never drunk an entire glass/bottle of beer.
  4. I shaved my head when I was 25.
  5. I once got mobbed by a pack of elderly women at a train station in East Ham, London, when they mistook me for Kylie Minogue.
  6. I’ve ridden a camel in the desert near Pakistan. This very same camel took off at a frighteningly fast gallop with me on its back screaming all the way and looking over my shoulder at the Indian camel driver doubled over in hysterics at the crazy Australian girl who had no idea of how to ‘steer’ a camel… well der!
  7. I have a smurf collection.
  8. An extremely short (think Lord Farquaad in Shrek) English millionaire asked me to be his trophy bride and enjoy life in a lap of luxury aboard his yacht. If only he’d been taller, I may have considered…

Gosh, but I’m interesting!

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22 Comments

Filed under Humour

22 responses to “Cliterary Fiction Unplugged…

  1. reggiehudson

    You think that’s bad…….I remember posing for your opening picture on this blog. I remember being really drunk on the beach and agreeing to pose nude with my big ass beer belly exposed. I don’t remember having boobs though. Damn, if I ever had boobs I’d really want to remember it.
    Never forget the humorous side of life sis.

    Reg

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  2. Ha ha! You stud you.
    No, how could I ever forget the funny side of life with these sorts of experiences?!
    S

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  3. Grace

    LOL πŸ™‚ This was awesome…OK…I just have to ask. WHY did you shave your head?? Was it a Sinead O’Connor thing?

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  4. D. Peace

    Lol. This is hilarious. Great post. I really enjoyed it.

    Some thoughts:

    1. The image of an armpit going up in flames actually made me laugh out loud. I’m with you: I can’t be expected to remember which products are and aren’t flammable. I would have been as surprised as anyone.

    Out of curiosity, what made you think a burning armpit would have been funny to begin with?

    Did he break up with you afterward?

    2. I’ve never met a person in my life who had the same birthday as me. That’s a strange coincidence.

    3. Do you prefer wine? Liquor? Or are you just a model of sobriety? Any way, that’s actually a very interesting and unique fact.

    4. Were you going through a punk phase? Might we see a picture of you with a mohawk someday? At least you weren’t criticized as widely as Britney Spears.

    5. You are too hot for your own good. Please take this as a compliment and not a creepy internet weirdo-ism, but anyone who looks like Kylie Minogue should be damn proud of it.

    6. I didn’t know camels could run fast. You always see them in movies just lumbering along at a slow pace. And, yes, the only place I’ve seen a camel is in a movie.

    7. How big is it?

    8. Short guys are constantly getting shot down. They have no game at all.

    That reminds me of this story.

    I’m 6’1″ so, as far as I know, nobody has ever referred to me as Lord Farquaad.

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  5. poseidonsmuse

    Simonne – You are adorable! I get the whole – “You look like Linda Carter thing – drives me nuts.” I have quite the image of you on a loco camel…sorry – too funny! Lol! Thanks for sharing some of your quirkiness with us (I’d be afraid to answer that tag…oh my).

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  6. poseidonsmuse

    oops – I have a case of “improper quote-itis” today! Must be the summer heat….whoosh!

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  7. That #1 armpit thing cracked me up. Did you shave your head before or after the trophy marriage proposal?

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  8. Came over to read some of your work and got sidetracked by this. It’s so funny. Mine was extremely dark and depressing for some reason.
    I can’t believe you shaved your head, that’s ballsy. kim

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  9. Grace – Thanks! Shaved my head because I had been travelling in India and Nepal and my hair was rather ratty by the time I got home – thought it might be a cool change! It looked pretty funky actually – will have to dig out a photo!
    Peace – In all my 16 year-old wisdom, I didn’t actually join the dots re putting a naked flame under an armpit might actually burn the said armpit! Just thought it might feel a bit hot, you know?! Nah, course he didn’t break up with me!!
    I kind of am a model of sobriety actually! I wasn’t at uni, but that’s another story! I do drink the odd glass of wine or baileys, but that’s about it, just never developed a taste for alcohol really!!
    Ha, thanks for the Kylie compliment! I’m just her size/height, blonde, big smile and was carrying a didgeridoo at the time…so I guess that’s all they needed to jump to wild conclusions!
    The smurf collection contains just 12 smurfs circa 1978-83!
    That’s a hilarious story, thanks for that!
    PM – Linda Carter eh?! Sweet!
    OB – Trophy marriage proposal was pre head shave (of course – I’m sure all he was gawping at was the long blonde hair!)
    Kim – Thanks for trawling round today – great to see so many comments from you πŸ™‚

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  10. Hey Simonne,
    Drinking a full beer, whilst on the camel may have helped in the steering dilemma. LOL. You cwack me up.
    WC

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  11. D. Peace

    To be honest, I think alcohol is severly overrated. Having said that, I’ve had MANY glasses of beer… definitely more than one πŸ˜‰

    I had to laugh out loud at the didgeridoo comment. That’s priceless.

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  12. Very true WC!!
    But Peace, I DO play the didgeridoo!!!

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  13. D. Peace

    Right *wink, wink*

    Wait… are you serious? You can’t be. Nobody is THAT Australian. πŸ˜‰

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  14. Quite serious my friend! I’m pretty good too! I took two of them to England with me and busked with them in Covent Garden to support my measely bar wages! I’m on my fair share of American home videos because of it too!!

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  15. D. Peace

    lol. I thought you were kidding. In fact, I’m still not entirely sure you aren’t…

    If you somehow prove to me that you play didgeridoo, I’ll not only believe you, you’ll earn a thousand Cool Points for playing the strangest/most awesome instrument I can think of.

    I mean, I knew there was an Australian/didgeridoo stereotype, but I didn’t think anybody actually picked it up.

    How common are they? Are they as popular as guitars are in the U.S.? I’m really interested in learning about didgeridoos now.

    I like the image of you playing for money in the street. I think there’s something really hip and romantic about street musicians. A lot of people think they’re just bums or something, but I really dig them. I remember walking through the streets of D.C. and hearing street musicians playing on acoustic guitars or even cheap whistles and thinking to myself that it makes the whole street sound cooler. I always make it a point to throw them a few bucks, and a couple bucks more if I enjoy their music.

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  16. Oh Peace, so my word is no good eh? How very litigious and dare I say, American, of you! πŸ˜‰ Well well, I’ll have to video myself I guess! Will do my best!
    To answer your question – no they are not as popular as guitars and I’m guessing they never will be! It’s not very common for women to play them, as many of the Aboriginal tribal laws state that women can’t touch them, or be near them. I’ve certainly played mine more overseas than here. I would never busk here. I find that sad and a bit frustrating because I love the instrument so much and just want to celebrate it and the culture it belongs to, but I also want to respect tribal laws. I have an aunt who has an Aboriginal partner and she has some difficulty with me playing it.
    Street theatre is not seen as something for bums here, or in Europe where it’s well regarded.
    So there you go!

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  17. D. Peace

    That’s because you guys (as well as Europe) are cooler than we are.

    Don’t feel a need to video yourself on my account, but I think it would be really fun to see if you do. I’ve just never heard of anybody playing a didge before… you even have a short-handed nickname for it.

    I think you’re awesome for busting through gender boundaries like that. You’ve broken the didgeridoo glass ceiling. However, it’s also sweet of you to respect tribal law in deference to your culture and your aunt. But good on you for playing an instrument that women “aren’t supposed to play”. You rock. I admire that.

    I’m really impressed by your playing such a unique instrument and performing publically while travelling to other continents. That’s very cool.

    Enjoy your music. Keep playing.

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  18. Thanks! I’m amazed you’ve never known a didge player before me – you’ve heard one in the flesh though, right?

    You too – the new guitar I mean.

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  19. D. Peace

    No, I’ve never known a didge player before you. Honestly. Also, I’ve never heard one in the flesh, only on TV.

    They are, in fact, an odd instrument up here. πŸ˜‰

    This is off-topic, but are you going to tell me that story that involved you and 11 male kangaroos? You hinted at that a few weeks ago, in a comment on my blog, and you never made good with your story.

    I have a feeling you were kidding about that, too. πŸ˜€

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  20. Interesting – we (as in an Aussie) should get some performers over your way quick smart! It’s a magical instrument when you’re standing right in front of one. And when played well, they sound great with a guitar and some drums πŸ™‚

    One thing you’ll get to know about me is that unless I’m writing fiction I’m not very good at sarcasm! So, no, I wasn’t lying about the 11 kanagroos!
    I used to live in right on the outskirts of an outer city suburb. It was basically a new development built into the bush, so at the time we built there, it was still surrounded by quite a lot of natural bush. I went for a walk at dusk one evening and had my head down looking at something on the ground as I was walking. When I put my head up again I found that I was face to face with a huge group of giant roos!! They were about 3 meters in front of me and they looked none too pleased to see me there let me tell you! I froze! I’ve seen plenty of kangaroos, but not that many in the wild and certainly not any that big who happened to be right in front of me! Looking back on it, I’m not sure why I decided they were killer kangaroos, but that’s what I decided. The show down was on. I just thought they’d hop away, but no, they just stood there, towering over me (they were well over 6 feet tall), glaring at me! I backed away oh so slowly and legged it home! Maybe they just wanted a pat behind the ears, but somehow I don’t think so!

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  21. D. Peace

    That’s quite a story! I had no idea kangaroos were aggressive enough to gang up and confront a human being.

    I’m from Pennsylvania. I’m not sure if you’re aware of the topography of the U.S., but we have a few different temperate zones, and PA is almost completely deciduous forests. I live in a rural area, so I’ve had encounters with turkeys, deer, and I’ve even seen a bear live (although not close enough to harm me).

    I can honestly say I’ve never met a kangaroo, however. πŸ˜‰

    Not only do they sound aggressive, I’m surprised that they’re so tall. I wouldn’t have expected them to be that large. I guess they also have powerful legs, which makes them pretty dangerous, I’m assuming? What bastards.

    You’re right for getting out of there. It’s good you weren’t harmed. I’m impressed you didn’t scream or do anything rash… that might have made them madder.

    Anyway, cool story. πŸ™‚

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  22. Yes, roos are extremely powerful in the hind legs, but generally pretty placid critters!
    You’ve seen a bear?! Wow, now that’s cool!!!

    Like

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