By day, I’m a health consultant and masseuse who helps to alleviate stress and teach people about healthy poos. By night, I’m a writer working towards finishing either of the two books I have on the go; Beat and Does My Vagina Look Fat in This? From Weight Loss to Labiaplasty: In Search of Self. It’s a fun life. It’s an interesting story. And it all happens in a room where I can be me, in the privacy of my own pink ugg-boots, under the illusion that I am all by myself…
my writing…
It all began when I was 9 and got hit on the head by a wayward football. Thus began my retreat from team sports; school ovals; crowds; loud noises; things coming at my head; pointed fingers; and snot-nosed 9-year-olds, and my penchant for quiet rooms with books and comfy chairs took hold.
Much to my father’s chagrin (in his head I was destined for the courtroom I think), I ended up studying Theatre and Creative Writing at Uni and the egotistical, perfectionistic, hedonistic and soon to be feministic me was born!
It soon became apparent that playwriting and directing were things I was pretty good at, and that of course, lead me to the firm belief at the age of 19 that I was destined for greatness. Greater than greatness! So I finished my degree, was involved in a new Theatre Company in Perth called Embryo Theatre Co. for which I wrote and directed several shows for a few years, gathered up my quill and notebook and jumped on a plane to London to my awaiting destiny (aka stardom, fame, fortune, and a perfectly clipped English accent).
Almost three years later, I was well traveled, a champion barmaid, and broke enough that on my homeward journey I spent a lonely 48 hours sleeping under a row of chairs at Singapore airport because I didn’t have enough money to pay the airport tax. I eventually made it home (and may I take this opportunity to extend a warm and heart-felt thank you to the Qantas staff at Singapore airport who donated food and orange juice for my 48 hour vigil to the humble airport chair) and after 4 months lounging around my mother’s pool, finally decided to pick up the pen once more.
The spawn of my endeavour was a one act play called ‘Love Me, Love My Whipper Snipper’, produced at The Blue Room in 1998. It was actually very successful, despite the terrible title. After that came ‘Grab’; a one act play about rape that was produced for the Artrage Festival. Then came the long dark night of the soul.
Perhaps that’s a tad too dramatic. I like to think of it as an incubation period…
For five or six years…
Sigh.
But still, I got a few things done. I had five or six failed relationships, I became a personal trainer, a State Figure Fitness Champion, a masseuse, a Touch for Health Kinesiologist, an Angel Intuitive, and Corporate Health Consultant, managed some feeble attempts at a book, edited someone else’s book, and was involved in the 2005 Artrage 24 Hour Play Project as a writer.
And now? Well, somewhere along the way things started to make sense. My feeble attempts turned into focused, disciplined, consistent writing. The first draft of Does My Vagina Look Fat in This? is done and awaiting a redraft and the fiction novel, Beat, is well underway and has been awarded a residency through Varuna in the LongLines program. I also write theatre reviews for Australian Stage Online.


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37 Comments
June 14, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Wow, you’re buff!
i am going to buy your book based on its title alone! Now i am off to look at your writing.
Thanks for visiting my page. ~christine
June 19, 2007 at 3:56 am
Hi, really like your spirit! It sparks through in your writing, and am definitely looking forward to your book. Going to put you on my blogroll straightaway.
Thanks for visiting my blog, btw.
June 19, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Thanks SpiritWoman! Glad you came by. See you soon.
S
June 19, 2007 at 5:54 pm
I like the term incubation period. A period all of us go through as we prepare to be the real us. My incubation period was just much longer than most.
You will do well with your book
Bill
July 1, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Just found your blog and am impressed wtih your writing, Simonne - I’ll drop by again.
July 2, 2007 at 9:17 am
Thanks for the compliment Oscarandre! Drop by any time.
Simonne
July 8, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Just reading this, if you were a superheroine, that would be one cool origin story. Two thumbs up from me.
On a totally useless rant all about me, when I write short stories I always forget about them and leave them on my comp’s hard drive.
July 9, 2007 at 6:33 am
Wengistein, but I AM a superheroine!!
July 9, 2007 at 10:22 am
ZOMGWTFQQTBBQ!!11!111!!! Can I please have a signature?
I wonder what your powers are? The ability to become buff in under a second and the ability to create rainbows everywhere you go!
July 9, 2007 at 11:49 am
Yep, you guessed it!
July 10, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I love the title of your blog, and your book’s title is also great. I’m looking forward to reading it. Good luck.
July 11, 2007 at 2:08 am
It is a ripper isn’t it abarclay? I have to give some credit to my friend Gordon for that!
July 16, 2007 at 3:27 pm
I’m impressed by the story. You remind ve my favorite quote and I’d like to share with you.
Life is what happens while we’re busy making plans. - John Lennon
July 17, 2007 at 12:49 am
Yes! That’s a perfect quote for me! Thanks Hakansuer.
September 10, 2007 at 2:49 pm
hello, simonne,
you got a unique blog here! i’m glad i found you in blogosphere!
September 10, 2007 at 2:51 pm
hello, simonne,
you got a unique blog here! i’m glad i found you in blogosphere!
September 12, 2007 at 8:45 am
What a unique, talented and inspirational writer you are.
More please!
September 13, 2007 at 6:10 am
Thanks Sanjida and welcome!
Paul - such a compliment from YOU! Thank you.
December 12, 2007 at 1:44 am
What a fantastic little tale on how you got into the writing…it really fascinates me to hear how people started out…
Any-hoo, I have the sneaking suspicion that I’ll be spending a lot of time here, and clearly I have a lot of catching up to do
PS: LMAO at “helps stressed out office workers learn about Super Foods and Healthy Poos”…healthy poos…lol.. (yeah, it doesn’t take much
)
December 12, 2007 at 2:37 am
Thanks Romi41 (here you are at 1:44, how lovely!) Yes, it sounds like you and I are going to get along juuuust fine! Come and play here any time
December 12, 2007 at 3:25 am
Okay so I just read your Spiritual Musings post and now I know what you mean by that number! Really? That’s fabulous, we WILL get along just fine
…and actually, yes, I’m still reeling from that post…lovely 
December 12, 2007 at 3:40 am
Yes, 44 is such a cool number
Thank you re that post - it was the post that nearly never was.
March 6, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Hey, do you know “Stealth” from the new American Gladiator series? A good friend of mine is training her in Seattle. He told me she is really nice and smart. You seem nice and smart too so I thought you might know her.
Be sweet
May 5, 2008 at 4:40 am
Looks like a lot of good stuff around here, Simonne.
May 5, 2008 at 4:56 am
Having had a look at your stuff Chris, I’ll take that as high praise indeed, thank you.
May 29, 2008 at 1:11 am
Hi Simonne, I found you on Rogue Ink and after having a quick look around… am I right in thinking you’re in Perth, too?? (Scott Russell-Hill, Blue Room, Nova937…) What a freaky-but-fun small world…!!! Looking forward to delving into your thoughts a bit more
May 29, 2008 at 3:02 am
Hi Sunili, yep, I’m a Perth girl. Yes, it is a small world after all! Thanks for stopping by
June 1, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Hey there, Simonne
Just wanted to drop by and see where you live…nice place! You’re on my blogroll now, so I’ll definitely be coming back to visit and take a break from my busy blog life:)
Thanks so much, again, for stopping by my humble abode…
June 2, 2008 at 1:49 am
Thanks for stopping by Melana. See you soon
June 13, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Simonne,
Can I ask a question?
Did you work in the Founders Arms Pub, Blackfrairs whilst you were in London?
Thanks
Geoff
June 15, 2008 at 3:55 am
Geoff! Geoff? How amazing! Talk about a blast from the past! Yes, that’s me alright. Boy, did we have some fun back then! Do you remember the night the Aussie barman (can’t remember his name) jumped in the Thames and saved that woman who’d jumped off Blackfriar’s Bridge??
How are you?!
June 19, 2008 at 9:26 am
thanks for that. i really hope i could… one day.
let me know your location. thanks.
July 9, 2008 at 7:54 am
I really enjoy your blog. Let me know if you would like to do a blogroll exchange
A fan and friend!
July 9, 2008 at 7:56 am
By the way my blog is in this link name.
July 9, 2008 at 8:08 am
Hi dcastillo, your photos are beautiful - is your blog new? Thanks for stopping by - and sure thing re the blogroll.
August 26, 2008 at 3:39 am
You’ve already accomplished more and experienced more than most people will see in a lifetime.
Can’t wait to hear that you have topped the NYT best-seller list.
Oh… it’s coming… I know stuff
October 13, 2008 at 2:03 am
Darling!
what number can I contact you on???
Much love and blessings
Zxxx
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